Top 10 Ways to Tell You’re Still Jetlagged…

…and continuously sleep deprived after bringing your infant son home from eleven time zones away. These are true stories:

10. You wake up multiple times during the night, out of the blue, and mumble, “Where’s the boy?” to your spouse before realizing it’s the dead of night and the boy is sleeping in the next room.

9. Dimming of the lights in a conference room for a presentation sends you into a bizarre waking dream of being on the “Battle Bridge” on board the Star Trek TNG Enterprise.

8. Mid-way through brushing your teeth, you stop in horror to realize you’re brushing with tap water. Then you recall that the city of Austin does, in fact have a potable drinking water system, and that, yes, you are in Austin, not Hanoi.

7. The grapefruit juice bottle mysteriously finds its way onto a pantry shelf instead of the fridge; further, you have no memory of putting it there.

6. An image of Foghorn Leghorn is superimposed on your division director’s face during an all-hands meeting. For a good thirty seconds, you honestly wonder why Foghorn Leghorn is talking about staff reorganization and the company’s stock price, before the image goes away.

5. At an early morning Church meeting, a colleague points out you missed a belt loop on your pants. It takes you at least three minutes during the meeting to figure out how to make the belt go through all the loops without having to stand up.

4. You have a recurring dream of Mitt Romney throwing a cream pie at John McCain.

3. You’re dead sleepy during dinner; by the time you put the boy down and get ready for bed, you’re wide awake.

2. Your handwritten notes from a conference call trail off mid-sentence to a wavy line that drops diagonally down the page, in some sort of graphical representation of the recent change in value of your 401K, off the page and onto your desk.

1. The cry of a hungry infant haunts the corridors of your dreams and strikes terror into your heart, even when you’re awake.